Why
by sunsetbabe17
Summary: She always had his back, had always stood by his side. That is until she didn't and he needed to know why.
1. The First Time

Disclaimer: The Avengers belong to Marvel.

 **The First Time**

Steve awkwardly shifted in his seat as he could clearly hear the heated conversation taking place just a few feet from him in the Director's office.

"I already have a partner, Sir," the title coming out as more of an insult than as a sign of respect.

"Not right now you don't."

"Well then I'll wait and I can take on solo missions, in fact I can handle this one by myself."

"I know that, this is more to get Captain Rogers back in the game, show him the ropes. He's a soldier but it's now a spy's game and he needs to work on his espionage, and who better than the best agent we have."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Nick. I don't need some boy scout following me around."

"Need I remind you that I am your boss and you will do as ordered, Agent."

Steve winced as the door slammed open and a storm of red huffed passed him. Puzzled he turned and looked at Director Fury. The man just gave him a nod in return so the Captain quickly jumped to his feet and sprinted to catch up with his new partner.

 _Several hours later in Serbia_

Agent Romanoff swerved to avoid the hail of bullets raining down on them from one of the two SUVs chasing them. She also let loose a string of Russian curses.

"I had it," she barked at her new partner, clearly blaming him for the situation they currently found themselves in.

"Well maybe if you had said more than two words to me the entire time we've been in Serbia," Captain America had finally reached his breaking point. She had been cold, standoffish, and quite rude ever since he joined her on the plane for this mission. "I thought you were supposed to be showing me the ropes."

She spared time to shoot him a death glare and made a sharp left causing him to slam his head against the door, "that was a private conversation."

"Super hearing, I can't help it. Sorry I'm not Barton," he spat. She was nice enough in New York but maybe she had been too busy worrying about her MIA partner, and the incoming alien horde.

They were both jolted forward as they were slammed into from behind.

He looked outside at the snowy cliff face. "Do you even know where we are?"

She rolled her eyes, "We'll figure that out as soon as we lose our two tails."

More Russian curses as one of their tires was shot out and they began to fishtail on the icy road.

"Hang on!" and they were air borne. They slammed hard into the water. "Well, we lost them," she smirked as she looked at the two SUVs driving away, figuring them a lost cause now.

The cold water started seeping into the car as they began to sink.

"Make for the shore," Natasha began to unbuckle herself and had her hand on her door about to exit the vehicle when she paused. Her partner hadn't moved a muscle.

As the icy water rushed in he was brought back to a time apparently seventy years ago but which only felt like days ago to him, "I've gotta put her in the water."

He couldn't breathe, the water was filling his lungs and God it was so cold it burned!

"Steve! Steve!" He felt hands on his face and he blinked as concerned green orbs framed in red stared back at him. "Steve, breathe!"

And only then did he realize he was gasping for air, "Hey, look at me!" he had started to panic again, looking at the water that was now level with is chest.

"It's going to be ok," she reached over and undid his seatbelt. She climbed over into his seat with him. "Alright, alright I need you to swim to shore with me ok? Can you do that for me?"

He blinked trying to focus and then nodded.

"Deep breath," and as soon as he did that she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the car.

Breaking the surface of the water he gulped in some much needed air and was soon yanked in the direction of shore.

He was sprawled on the ground trying to regain himself as the cold air brutally whipped at his face.

"Come on Rogers, up," and strong arms were pulling him to a standing position. She took his hand in her own again and just pulled him along and he stumbled in a stupor.

"Sit," she commanded as they entered a SHIELD safe house. She put in for an extraction but with the storm coming in they wouldn't get to them until morning so they would just have to hunker down here for the night.

Glancing at the couch she saw her partner hadn't moved an inch, he just sat there staring at the roaring fire she had started. It was easy to forget that underneath the suit Captain America was just Steve Rogers, a kid from Brooklyn.

She kneeled in front of him and could feel the tremors wracking his body and she noted that his lips were a light shade of blue.

"Steve, we're safe here now. Let's get you warmed up, ok?" no response.

"I'm just going to get you out of this wet suit," she reached for the zipper and started to take off his uniform. She was a little worried that this still elicited no response from the old fashioned man.

Once she had stripped him of his uniform she wrapped him up in several blankets. After removing her uniform as well she ducked underneath the blankets with him and snuggled close to share her body heat.

Not quite what she had imagined when she thought of getting naked with Captain America, and admittedly she had noticed how nicely he filled out his uniform back in New York.

Steve blearily blinked his eyes as the bright sun woke him up. He looked around and didn't recognize where he was. However, as soon as he opened his mouth a steaming mug was shoved in his face.

"Drink this," and then Natasha was rushing about the room and collecting their things.

Suddenly he was hit in the face with, he frowned, was that his uniform? He pulled the blankets away and saw that he was clad in only his boxers. Then his ears tinged pink and he blushed as memories from the other night began to filter in.

"Evac will be here in 10."

They boarded the quinjet as soon as it arrived.

"Everyone alright?" the pilot pointedly looked at Steve who was awfully quiet and sullen.

"Yes," and that was that as they received the Black Widow death glare.

Once medical had checked him out, he had his debrief with Director Fury.

"I'm sorry sir," Steve began and rubbed a hand nervously over his face, unsure how to explain exactly what had happened on the mission and his panic attack.

"Agent Romanoff said there was some missing intel and you had to abort the mission."

"Anything else?" Steve gulped as Fury raised a knowing eyebrow.

"Should there be?"

"No, no," he quickly shook his head.

"Good." Subject closed, "She did request some downtime before your next mission so that you too can get used to having each other as partners."

Steve's head snapped up at that, she still wanted to be partners after all that had happened?

"That'll be all, Captain."

"Right, yeah. Goodbye, sir." He swiftly got to his feet and left headquarters.

Entering his apartment he set his keys down and paused as something felt off. Walking further into the apartment he spied Natasha Romanoff sitting on his couch, drinking from a mug, with her feet on his coffee table as if she owned the place.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, "What are you doing here?"

He wasn't surprised she had figured out where he lived, he was just surprised that she still wanted anything to do with him.

"Hey partner," she smirked and patted the couch next to her. He raised a brow at being invited to sit on his own couch.

So he took a seat and leaned forward, gently pushing her feet off the coffee table, "Feet off the coffee table."

He blew about a breath, "Look about the other night-"

She cut him off before he could continue, "It happens to the best of us." And it had actually made Captain America more relatable to her. Maybe they weren't as different as she first thought.

Picking up the remote she pressed play, "So I heard this was on your list, and I thought we would cross it off together."

He leaned back into the couch cushions as the opening credits of Star Wars rolled across the screen. And he couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. Maybe this new world he had awoken in wouldn't be so bad after all.


	2. Home

Disclaimer: The Avengers belong to Marvel. Takes place several months after Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

 **Home**

" _I'm not him!" the Winter Soldier shouted, "I'm not your friend, and I don't want to be." And with that he sprinted away from Steve and Sam._

 _Steve just stood there, stunned. His shield hung limply at his side and he didn't know what to do. Bucky was his best friend and he knew he was in there somewhere, he had to be. He failed him once and he couldn't let that happen again._

"Argh," Steve let out a roar and kicked over another stack of empty crates in the abandoned warehouse he and Sam where currently holed up in.

He angrily paced around and then swiftly turned on his heel and slammed his fist into the wall, making yet another fist sized hole in the wall.

Pulling his hand free, he allowed the blood to drip down his knuckles and pool on the floor as he lowered his head to his arm that was leaning on the wall, holding him up.

Suddenly he felt strong arms wrap around him and his shoulders slumped in relief as he reached up to entwine his fingers with the hand on his chest.

"Hey soldier," she whispered into the space between his shoulder blades where her cheek rested.

Sighing he turned around in her embrace and squeezed her tight, maybe a little too tight, but she was the Black Widow, she could take it.

"Hey Nat," then he sobbed and let all the frustration of the past months fruitlessly tracking down Bucky.

And she let him, soothingly rubbing her hand up and down his back and through his hair and murmuring words of comfort, mostly in Russian that he didn't understand but didn't really care because just being in her arms brought him a sense of peace and security that he had been sorely missing since they parted ways in D.C.

Once he was spent he pulled back, "Sorry," he looked down suddenly embarrassed that he had been crying all over her.

"Hey," she lifted his chin up to look at her and brushed the tear tracks from his cheeks, "that's what friends are for."

She grabbed his hand and led him over to a couple of crates sitting him down on one and taking the other for herself. Keeping hold of his hand she pulled a first aid kit over and began tending to his self-inflicted injuries.

Looking around he noticed that Sam had given them some privacy, "Sam call you?"

"Yup," she popped the 'p' at the end. She had slipped her number into Sam's phone, knowing Steve may be too stubborn to call if he needed help. "He was worried." She raised her eyebrow, silently asking if he wanted to talk about it.

He clenched his jaw, not from the sting of the disinfectant on his wounds, but he wasn't really sure he wanted to think about how his best friend wanted nothing to do with him.

But this was Natasha she had come to be his best friend in this new world and if anyone would be able to help him understand what Bucky was going through she would. She had confided in him about her past with the Red Room.

"Bucky," he faltered, "No, not Bucky. That's what he told me. He said we weren't friends and he doesn't want my help." His free hand balled up into a fist as the anger crashed over him again. He didn't understand all this time he's missed his best friend and he finally finds him and he wants nothing to do with him. "He ran away from me."

"Steve, you have to understand that he's confused right now. Hydra has brainwashed him and he's been their pawn for the past seventy years." She absently rubbed her thumb along the top of his hand that was still in her grasp even though she had finished bandaging it.

"I think it would be best to give him some space, time to figure some things out for himself. Don't push him. And when he's ready he'll come to you."

Natasha remembered when Clint first brought her to SHIELD and she really wanted nothing to do with him. But she eventually came around and found comfort in the man that had pulled her from her old life. Now he was her best friend and she didn't know what she would do without him.

"And what if he's never ready," and in that moment she doesn't think she's ever seen someone so sad. Bucky meant so much to him and he couldn't stand having him so close, yet so far away.

"He will," and he couldn't help but believe her when she stated that with such conviction and shot him her trademark smirk. If Bucky didn't come on his own, the Black Widow would hunt him down.

"What happened to your hair?" he tugged on a now blonde tendril, changing the subject to lighten the mood and she let him.

"I blew all my covers remember, I'm trying to stay under the radar now that all my secrets are out there for the world to see. An easy thing to change is your hair," she shrugged as if it was no big deal, which to her it wasn't, just part of the job.

He frowned as he twirled the strand between his fingers. Steve liked her fiery red hair. It matched her fighting spirit, not that he didn't think she made an attractive blonde. She could probably dye her hair rainbow colors and wear a trash bag and he would still think she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on.

"So what now?" Steve looked over Natasha's shoulder at Sam leaning in the doorway, arms crossed.

This scene was early reminiscent of not too long ago when he and Natasha had sought shelter at Sam's when SHIELD was trying to kill them. Except then their roles had been reversed and he was the one comforting her as the world she thought she knew yet again turned out to be something much more sinister than she realized.

"Maybe it's time to come home," Natasha broke the silence that had fallen upon the trio.

Home. Did he really have a home anymore? Everyone and everything he knew were gone.

Then, he looked into the green eyes of the woman before him; well he had Natasha at least.


	3. Goodbye

Disclaimer: The Avengers belong to Marvel.

 **Goodbye**

"Not gonna say goodbye," he halted in his exit and gulped nervously. He didn't want to leave without saying goodbye, but he didn't know how to leave without begging her to come with him and that wouldn't be right. He couldn't force anyone to fight by his side in this war that was about to start, pitting friend against friend.

He slumped his shoulders in defeat and met the Black Widow's glare head on.

"Goodbye" he raised his eyebrow, gave her a cheeky grin, and hoped that would be enough to save him.

Stumbling back he dropped his duffle as he found his arms full with a petite redhead. "Promise me you'll be safe," she whispered in his ear.

And he just held her tighter, knowing he couldn't make a promise that he wasn't sure he could keep.

She pulled away after kissing him lightly on the cheek in goodbye and gave him a knowing smile. He awkwardly slung his duffel back over his shoulder and met his team in the garage. He knew she wouldn't raise the alarm until they were gone. If they were standing against Tony, they couldn't very well stay in the facility that he owned.

For a moment he just sat there and stared at the wheel in front of him, "We waiting for anyone else, Cap?" Sam turned to him and he shook himself out of his thoughts.

"No," he started the car and he could feel her eyes on him, even if no one else knew she was there. He had gotten so used to having her by his side that he felt a little unsure of himself now without her. They had been leading this team together for a while now and it was weird to leave her behind.

She had supported him when he made the decision to bring down SHIELD, her life's work and her secrets now exposed for the world to see. She had given him intel when he was searching for Bucky after and she stayed to help train the New Avengers when everyone else left. He wasn't so sure he would be able to do this without her.

Squaring his jaw, he steeled himself for the battle to come as he drove the car out of the garage with Sam in the passenger seat next to him and Wanda in the back, quietly wondering where Natasha was. Though the older woman had been quite distant lately and Wanda wasn't sure what she did, but she thought it might have something to do with her powers and the control she was still learning.

A couple days later they found Bucky and Steve convinced him to come with them so that he could help him. It felt good to have his best friend back. But the victory was bittersweet when he realized Natasha wasn't there to share it with.

They soon found themselves in battle against Tony and his team, who were trying to capture them for not agreeing with the Accords and registering.

It was hard for Natasha to stand opposite of Clint and Steve. They were the people she trusted most, but she needed to do what she felt was the right thing. So she pushed it out of her mind and immersed herself in the battle, something she found easier to deal with then feelings.

Then, rounding the corner of the building she came face to face with the one man she didn't want to confront in this whole mess, Bucky Barnes. Honestly she was afraid of what might happen. She knew Steve would never forgive her if she hurt his best friend and she couldn't stand to lose him, Steve was her best friend.

So she hesitated, not sure what to do and then he said it, her name "Natalia."

And she snapped, knowing that he remembered now too. Living with Wanda these past few months hadn't been very good for Natasha's mental well-being, especially with her rather dark and traumatic upbringing. She had held it together for so long but the walls she had painstakingly built were slowly crumbling down.

It was just like when she had first joined SHIELD. The nightmares were back in full force, she would randomly slip off into her thoughts as the remorse crashed over her, and training would take a violent turn. At least Captain America was more durable than Hawkeye.

She also began to pull away from Steve, keep him at a distance. He was so pure and good, he didn't deserve her red bleeding over onto him, tainting him.

Dropping her gun she tackled the Winter Soldier to the ground and wailed on him, and he just let her.

That's how Steve found them and he wished he had picked up more than Russian curse words from his time with Natasha as she ranted and raved in Russian.

Bucky simply responding with "Sorry, I'm sorry."

He took in the discarded gun nearby and the knives within easy reach. She obviously wasn't trying to kill Bucky, easily could have if she wanted to, but she also wasn't taking him into custody either.

She was just beating him senseless, with none of the usual grace he associated with her. When she fought, it almost looked like she was dancing. This is how she often managed to beat him in the sparing ring, as he was too mesmerized with the beauty in which she moved.

"Hey, hey, hey," he was confused but he couldn't let her continue to beat up his best friend. He pulled her off of the prone man and held her as she frantically struggled against him.

"Let go of me," he quickly dropped his arms. He had never heard that tone of voice from her. She sounded scared and desperate. Her form was trembling and he could see tears welling in her eyes. This wasn't the Black Widow that he was used to, strong and confident in every move she made.

"How could you? I was only a child," she spat and this time in English but it did nothing to help Steve understand what was going on between the two.

Bucky slowly got to his feet and reached out to her, "Natalia-" she recoiled and that's when Clint came upon the scene.

"Back off," but his arrow was pointed at Bucky. He may be on the opposing team, but Natasha was still his best friend and he had never seen her so scared and he wouldn't let any harm come to her if he could help it.

"Clint, what are you doing?" Steve was still having trouble wrapping his head around what was going on.

Before he could bullets slammed into the ground around him and he instinctively pulled Natasha to him and under his shield to protect her. But when the smoke cleared she was gone and Bucky was tugging him along in retreat.

When they regrouped with the rest of their team at their safe house, Clint slammed Bucky against the wall, "What did you do to her?"

"Clint!" Steve pulled the archer off and Bucky just slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, knees tucked protectively to his chest.

"I knew her," he quietly mumbled. And even Steve with his enhanced hearing barely caught the last words they were so quiet, "And I wasn't a good man."


	4. Together

Disclaimer: The Avengers belong to Marvel.

 **Together**

After today's battle Steve was tired and confused. Pulling out his phone he thumbed it on and paused staring at the smiling faces of himself and Natasha that she had set as his background, claiming he would be stuck with it because he didn't know how to change it. However he knew that she knew he actually did know how to change it and chose to keep it instead. He remembered the day that picture was taken.

 _Steve was sitting in an armchair in the common room of the New Avengers facility frowning at the phone in his hands._

" _What did that phone ever do to you?" he turned and spied Natasha leaning over his shoulder._

" _Tony sent me this 'media message' and I'm trying to figure out how to open it." He sighed, technology these days was still a struggle at times._

" _Oh, here you go," and reaching her arm over she pressed a button and an obviously drunk Tony started moving on the screen._

" _Capsicle!"Steve just shook his head at his friend's antics._

" _I thought phones were for talking to people," he missed his simple life._

" _They can do all sorts of things, Cap." At that she gracefully jumped over the back of the arm chair and plopped in his lap, taking his phone in her hand. And he steadied her with his hand on her back and left it there, mindlessly tracing patterns on her lower back as she showed him things on his phone. Sometimes she amazed him at how patiently she explained new things to him. This was the Black Widow surely she had something better to do. On top of that she was never frustrated when he didn't understand something and she never talked down to him like he was a child._

" _And you're an artist, I don't know if you were into photography back in the day. But you can take panoramic videos and photos. Then this button turns the camera around and you can take selfies."_

" _Selfies?" he had never heard the term before._

 _She whipped her head to him, fiery red hair flying. "You've never taken a selfie?"She smirked and leaned in close, "Come on it'll be fun." She started snapping pictures._

 _He smiled for the camera and then looked at her in confusion at the funny faces she was making._

 _Then, seeming to read his mind, "You don't smile, Steve. Make a duck face."_

" _What?" Turning in his lap she grabbed his jaw and arranged his face._

" _There now look at the camera." But when she went to take the picture, his face had lost its pose slightly and she threw her head back and let out a laugh at how ridiculous Captain America looked._

 _The duck face was completely gone now and the camera was ignored as he listened to her beautiful laugh. It was a sound that he didn't hear often and it always brought him immense joy and pride when he was the reason for it._

" _Alright, that's it, no more mocking me," he grabbed for his phone but before he could wrap his hand around it she had nimbly leapt to her feet and put the coffee table between them._

" _But I'm not done with my photo shoot!" She snapped a couple of pics of herself in various poses, "Which side do you think is more flattering," she turned her head from left to right, face serious pretending to be a model._

 _Taking the opportunity when she was seemingly distracted he lunged but turning on her heel she bolted. With his long legs he quickly caught up to her and scooped her into his arms._

" _Steve!" she playfully struggled but they both knew if she really wanted to she could escape from his arms._

" _Now lets take a real picture," He lifted his phone up._

" _What you don't like my funny faces?" she teased._

" _Smile," he ordered._

" _Yes, Captain." And one of those rare, genuine smiles of hers appeared as he snapped the picture._

 _She continued to steal his phone over the months, returning it with a new photo shoot of hers claiming that it was very irresponsible of Captain America to just leave his phone lying around._

Pocketing the phone he got to his feet, this was something he needed to do in person, not over the phone.

But when he reached the door, he didn't know what to do. So he just stood there, a few aborted attempts to knock and just as he was turning to leave the door swung open.

"You know you're not very quiet," and there she was, sleep tousled hair and clothed in a tank and shorts.

Now that he was facing her, he didn't know what to say and she stepped back holding the door open, silently letting him in to one of her many safe houses. He was actually surprised to find her here since she had told him about this one and they were currently on opposite sides of this war.

She crossed her arms defensively, "What do you want, Steve?" he noticed how tired she sounded and looked. There were bags under her eyes as if she hadn't been sleeping and he took in the cuts and bruises that she was covered in, most likely from his friends.

This fight was obviously taking its toll on her, she was fighting against her friends, people she had fought with before, not against. And before he could stop himself he blurted, "Why?"

And now that he started he couldn't stop, "You've always stood by me and now you're on Tony's side! I don't understand!"

She angrily cut him off, "I'm not taking his side. It's not about sides. I'm doing what I think is right. I thought you of all people would understand that, Steve."

"Is this about, Bucky?" she visibly flinched at the name and he sighed this wasn't how he wanted this to go. He was tired of all the fighting.

She couldn't do this, not now and maybe not ever, "Just go home, Steve."

"You don't understand. I am home. You are my home," she stared at him in confusion and he angrily ran his hand through his hair as he realized he probably wasn't making much sense and he didn't know how to say what he meant.

So instead he strode over to her, grabbed her arms, and crashed his lips to hers. Before she could even react he pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers, "I love you, Natasha Romanoff and I miss you."

She opened her mouth and closed it. She was stunned speechless and when she wasn't saying anything he began to pull away. But before he got too far she pulled his face back down to hers and even though she couldn't put to words how she felt, she poured all her feelings into that kiss.

He lifted her up and she quickly wrapped her legs around his waist, and never breaking contact they stumbled over to her bed. Their first time was quick, the two grasping desperately at each other as if the other would slip from their grasp at any second.

Then, they spent the night memorizing each other's bodies as if tonight was all they had and they would never see each other again. He kissed every bruise and scar that marred her perfect body, vowing that there would be no more because of this war. At the end of the night he wrapped his arms securely around her and held her tight to him, never wanting to let go. He wished this could last forever, but he knew it wouldn't.

She woke up with her head pillowed on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. Squeezing her eyes shut, she feigned sleep not wanting her bliss to end.

"I know you're awake," he ran his fingers through her silky red tresses and she could feel the vibrations of his laugh.

"Shh," she blindly reached up and placed a finger over his lips, which he in turn kissed.

"We need to talk," sighing she turned her head to look up at him from her position on his chest.

"You're turning yourself in aren't you?" and he wasn't at all surprised that even after all this time apart she could still read him so well.

"There's been enough fighting and I can't see any more of my friends get hurt because of this." He really hadn't meant for last night to happen and then to just up and leave her.

She pushed herself off of him and got dressed, "Come on. Lets eat and we can talk. You're making breakfast." She chucked his shirt at him, resigned as she knew she wouldn't be able to talk him out of this and she didn't even know if she should. But she just got him back and she wasn't sure if she was ready to lose him all over again.

They sat in silence as she sipped her coffee, watching him cook. Setting a plate in front of her and one for him, he joined her at the kitchen island. After a while he realized that she wasn't going to start, and he was going to be the one that would have to.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew Bucky?" They had faced the Winter Soldier before and there had been plenty of time since then that she could have told him she knew his best friend.

"I-I didn't realize that I did," she fearfully admitted and he frowned, not quite understanding what she meant.

She couldn't look at him as she explained, "Living with Wanda has brought back some memories that," she paused searching for words, "that the Red Room erased." She knew there were some gaps in her memory, but she wasn't really sure why they would erase him, maybe they didn't, maybe she blocked out the memories on her own. She supposed it didn't really matter one way or the other.

He reached over and gave her hand a light, reassuring squeeze. He knew she didn't like thinking about her time with the Red Room.

"We called him the Soldier or the American, he didn't have a name" she frowned at the lengths to which Hydra had gone to dehumanize James Barnes.

She pulled her hand out of his and leaned back in her chair. How did she tell someone that his best friend had tortured her, turned her into a killer.

"He was brought in to train us, and he took a liking to me," she shrugged trying to play it off as if it was no big deal.

He was suddenly kneeling before her, "Hey," he wiped the tears that she hadn't even realized had fallen.

"He's not that man any more. That was Hydra, not Bucky."

"But he's not Bucky anymore is he," he pulled her into his arms, not knowing what to say when what she said was true. Bucky was getting better but he was changed and haunted by the things that Hydra had made him do.

They jumped apart as her door suddenly came crashing in, men toting guns bursting in.

"Stand down, Captain!"

Natasha quickly wiped her face and let the Black Widow take over putting herself between the men and the currently very vulnerable Captain America. He didn't even have his shield with him at the moment.

Iron Man then walked in, "I knew you were a traitor, Red."

"What are you doing here, Tony?" She knew for a fact that he had no idea about her safe house. And she had been careful to make sure it stayed that way once this civil war had started. And she didn't bother to correct him, it didn't really matter. Though it did sting a little that for once she hadn't been playing a side game and people still didn't trust her.

He ignored her, "Lets go, Steve! There's no escape, we have the place surrounded."

The men advanced with heavy duty cuffs, built to hold a super soldier.

"Those aren't necessary. He's turning himself in," Black Widow glared at the men.

Steve placed a comforting hand on her arm and gently pushed her aside, "It's ok." And he let the men man handle him into the cuffs and march him outside.

"Tony! Stop this!" Natasha shouted and followed after them, trying to push her way through to Steve's side, where she was meant to be.

Then, she heard the gunshots and saw him fall, his white shirt turning red from the multiple wounds.

"Steve!" she caught him before his head smacked against the pavement, pulling him into her lap. Her hands frantically pushing against the wounds, attempting to stop the seemingly endless river of blood but it was no use.

"No, no, no!" She cried it wasn't fair, "Steve, Steve stay with me!"

His body was already becoming cold due to the massive blood loss and she saw his once vibrant blue eyes, full of love last night, now sightlessly staring up at the blue sky.

"I love you, Steve." She never told him and now she never would.

Finally shaking off his shock, Tony grabbed at Steve and Natasha just pulled the body closer to her, holding on tighter, "No!"

"Let me try and help him!" Tony pleaded, but they both knew it was too late.

Natasha batted at his arms, not caring that she was hurting her hands on his armor. She couldn't feel it over her overwhelming grief.

"No! No! You did this to him! You did, Tony! Get away!" And she didn't care that she was the Black Widow and was breaking down and sobbing in the middle of the street. She was holding the dead body of the man she loved in her arms.

She didn't know how long she sat there, mindlessly running her fingers through Steve's hair, rocking them back and forth.

Then, there was a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Tasha, you can let him go now." She clutched him tighter to her, emerald eyes squeezing shut and shook her head in the negative.

"It's ok, come on" and then she allowed her former partner to pull her up and into his arms. She buried her face in Clint's chest, trying to shut out the world around her and the sound of Steve's blood squelching beneath her boots.

He carried her inside and away from the media frenzy and the grisly scene at her feet. After gently washing the blood away, he set her on her bed. She pulled the pillow close, it still smelled like him, and Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow cried herself to sleep.


	5. The Man Beneath the Mask

Disclaimer: The Avengers belong to Marvel.

 **The Man Beneath the Mask**

"Hey, you ready?" Clint lightly knocked before opening the door and was surprised to find Natasha sitting on the bed, dressed, and ready to go. With her having barely left her room the past few days he thought it would be a bit more of a struggle to get her ready for the funeral. She actually looked like she had just been sitting there for a while.

She gracefully got to her feet, adjusted his black tie, and swept out of the room to the car without a word.

Clint shared a worried glance with his wife when they joined her and the kids at the cemetery and Auntie Nat barely even acknowledged the kids. Since she couldn't have any kids of her own and despite being the cold hearted assassin she made everyone else believe she was, she cherished any time she could spend with Lila and Cooper.

Natasha didn't even really take in much of the ceremony, lost in her own thoughts. It wasn't fair that it was such a nice sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, the complete opposite of how she felt. She's sure if she asked Thor he would gladly call upon a few storm clouds for her. He had come from Asgard to bury his Captain.

There were so many people as the memorial was open to the public. Captain America had been the world's first hero and the whole world was mourning his loss.

Many heartfelt speeches were given, not that she even heard a word of what was said. They hadn't even really known Steve.

There was the typical 21 gun salute given for an Army veteran and she vaguely remembered Sam accepting the flag that had been draped over the coffin as Steve had no family in this time.

Before she knew it the service was over and she was shuffled to one of several awaiting limos.

Stepping out at their destination she found herself and a base that she was unfamiliar with.

The new and old avengers sat solemnly around a table.

Tony clearly having hit the bottle once out of Pepper's controlling grasp.

Bruce having come back from wherever he was hiding to pay his respects to Steve.

Thor uncharacteristically uncertain at the tension that permeated the air of which he was unaware of as to the circumstances having been away on Asgard for the whole of the Civil War.

Wanda still upset over losing yet another person that she had grown close to so soon after losing her brother.

Rhodey just looked tired with his black eye and his arm still in a sling from the last battle.

Sam however oozed anger. He just lost his best friend and he did not want to be here with SHIELD.

Clint made sure to stay close to Natasha as she seemed to be in a daze, just going through the motions, present but not really there.

"These are the Avengers?" whispered one agent to another.

"Yeah, they don't seem so scary." He replied in his Scottish brogue.

"Thank you all for coming, I know it's been a tough day."

"Phil?!" Clint turned to the man so fast that he thought he might have given himself whiplash and Natasha still had no reaction. "I thought you were dead?"

"Not quite," Phil Coulson gave his former agent a sad smile.

"I don't suppose Steve is standing the shadows behind you," Tony sarcastically quipped. And at that Natasha's head shot up, hopeful and searching.

"No sorry," Natasha tuned him out as he went on to explain that SHIELD stepped in and talked the UN down from instituting the Accords.

The room then dissolved into chaos, arguing back forth between those for and those against the accords.

She was then pulled into the argument, "Whose side were you even on, Red?"

Tony continued once he had her attention, "Was that supposed to be a trap for me or Steve? Or were you just playing us both until there was a winner?"

"Enough! We buried a good man today and this is how you honor him?"

"Thank you, Skye," Phil put a calming hand on her arm before her emotions got the better of her and she gave away her status as an Inhuman.

Natasha coldly met Tony's glazed eyed glare and pushed away from the table. Instead of engaging in the fight Tony so clearly desired, she swept out of the room and before the door closed they could see agents falling over their feet to get out of the Black Widow's path.

"I take that back," Fitz whispered to Simmons.

"Hey, doesn't she need to be here to debrief?" Rhodey protested. If he had to suffer through this, then everyone else should too.

"Actually," Maria Hill piped up, "Natasha resigned from the Avengers so, no she doesn't."

Clint frowned not sure when she did that and was torn between chasing after her and confronting Phil.

After the debrief, he approached Phil who still seemed a little unsettled over his former Russian assassin's actions. "When did that happen?"

The archer smirked and threw an arm around Phil's shoulders and gave him a harder than necessary shake, "Jealous Phil? Your idol thought you were dead, remember?"

The current SHIELD director simply shrugged, he supposed he deserved that.

"Thought I might find you here," and to her credit she didn't startle even though she hadn't heard his approach. Most people couldn't sneak up on the Black Widow but she just couldn't find it in herself to care anymore.

Bucky awkwardly shifted in his stance at her continued silence. "You know he would've hated all of this," Bucky gestured at the statue "and all the pomp and circumstance earlier."

"I know."

Steve was never in it for the glory. He was just a simple kid from Brooklyn who wanted to do the right thing.

"I think he would have wanted you to have this," finally turning to her companion she saw Bucky was had Captain America's red, white, and blue shield in his hands.

Reaching out her hand she lightly traced the star in the center and her eyes traveled up the metal arm that was holding the shield.

"Steve do that?" she indicated the once red star that was painted on the Winter Soldier's metal arm that was now turned into a mini replica of Steve's shield.

Bucky shrugged, "It was one of the bad days." Steve had actually found him clawing at the star, drawing blood from his flesh hand and leaving red streaks on the silver metal.

She knew what those were like. Days were the guilt and the grief was so overwhelming it felt like it was going to consume you. Just a black abyss that would swallow you whole.

Then, instead of taking ahold of the shield she gently pushed it back towards him.

"I would rather remember the man beneath the mask." And without a glance back Natasha Romanoff left, not really sure where she was headed but just knew that she needed to be anywhere but here.


End file.
